Why do we all love summer so much? The obvious reason is for the sunshine and warmer weather, but our reason has nothing to do with the great outdoors. In fact, it’s quite the opposite.

In just a few short days, we’ll all be plopped down on our couches, wearing sweats for days, and ready to binge watch our favorite Netflix Original Series — ‘Orange is the New Black.’

Netflix released the series to the public two years ago, and it has since gained worldwide popularity. Each character in the show is completely unique, entertaining and filled with her own complexities and story behind why and how they ended up in Litchfield Prison in the first place. So block your calendar for Friday, June 12 because ‘Orange is the New Black’ is back. Thank. God.


In celebration of the season 3 premiere, some of us at ColumBUZZ thought it would be fun to do a little ‘tell all’ of our favorite characters.

Gabrielle: Piper

For the most part, Piper is recognized as the most hated character that this show has to offer. The reason being — we find her annoying. Although this is the case for most people, it isn’t my overall takeaway for the character. But I will admit that there have been times in both seasons where I have been like “UGH, PIPER. Go away!” from her indecisive, sporadic actions.

However, there is so much more depth to this character that may get overlooked. She plays the every girl who stumbles her way into a bad position. So don’t hate on her… at least, not fully. At the very least, the one thing that we can all agree on is that she’s adorable.

During Piper’s stay in prison, she evolves from a timid ‘girl next door’ to someone who has no choice but to build her own backbone. She makes decisions that aren’t always smart, but they help her demand respect for herself and her character as whole. Although she doesn’t always seem to have the most stable ground to stand on, she’s relatable in her way of taking one step forward and two steps back, forcing audiences to constantly root for her.

Sidenote: When I was living in NYC, I went as Piper for Halloween, and who did I run into? Oh, you know, just another one of my favorite characters — Taystee. Having her come up behind me out of nowhere and asking me “Who are you supposed to be?” was my own form of a win. It was pretty awesome. Here’s a pic of that solid experience, and I apologize for the not-so-solid quality:



Ryan: George “Pornstache” Mendez

He is the ‘you just love to hate him’ kind of character. The perverted and seemingly psychotic prison guard is known for frequently abusing his authority and being the most ruthless of all the COs. His personality can be both laughably exaggerated as well as frightening. He is put on unpaid leave after being set up by Daya and caught having sex with her. Mendez is shown to be in love with Daya and often sends her love letters anonymously after he leaves Litchfield.

Favorite Lines (I do not approve these messages):

“Two speeds in my yard: Walk and shuffle.”

“No; Fuck, not gay. The stache is not for fags. It’s for fuckin’ men. It’s fuckin’ all beef. Fuckin’ cunt-rammin’ awesome.”


Jill: Galina “Red” Reznikov

Formerly the kitchen’s Master Chef “Red” has gained a reputation in the prison as the leader of the white population, often showing mother-like qualities. A hard-ass Russian with a soft spot, she looks out for her “girls,” but she doesn’t take shit, either.

I love her because she is smart and resourceful. In season one, she operates a smuggling business through the prison that both appeases the inmates and advances her personal position. She keeps drugs out of the prison walls and shows her support for inmates dealing with addiction.

Even though in season 2 she finds herself forced into the “older inmate” crowd, she’s clever enough to find a new front for her smuggling business through the greenhouse, showing that she’s not about to throw in the towel.

Red’s vibrant red hair is also a reflection of her personality —  showing that she’s bold, willing to stand out and take risks, and that she always makes an effort for a polished, put-together appearance in an otherwise uncivilized environment.

She’s one gal I’d want on my side in the slums.


Lindsey: Suzanne “Crazy Eyes” Warren

This one was tough for me because I love Laverne Cox as Sophia Burset and Danelle Brooks as Tasha “Taystee” Jefferson… But when it comes to Suzanne Warren, what’s not to love? And if you don’t love “Crazy Eyes,” then here’s a quote by Felix Baumgertner (an Austrian skydiver who has no affiliation with the show whatsoever) that’ll give you some perspective…

Learn to love what you’ve been to taught to fear.

Sure, “Crazy Eyes” is known to be somewhat scary or creepy at first, but her poems and “Vanilla Swirl” song led to a new perception of this interesting character — comedic. She is absolutely hilarious, and she adds a dynamic and light to the show that’s as bright as the sun, which is like a yellow grape.

With the nickname “Crazy Eyes,” it almost seems as if this character would be put in a box of being one-dimensional. However, Suzanne is more than one thing and definitely more than one type of “crazy.” As Uzo Aduba (the actress who plays Suzanne Warren) has said, “The way I use ‘crazy’ is she’s crazy-good, crazy-fun, crazy-fun-to-play.”

Speaking of the actress who plays “Crazy Eyes,” I just love her. She is the beez neez. If you have never seen her outside of her character, then I highly recommend you experience another side of this wonderful and beautiful actress that is Uzo Aduba. Here’s a video of her auditioning for a few parts in ‘Orange Is The New Black’ — ENJOY!



Did your favorite ‘Orange is the New Black’ character not make our list? Tweet at us @ColumBUZZ614 and share your favorite!